Life of Reilly: To This Day.

Okay so I've decided to sidestep a bit here because there is something more important to talk about tonight.

I was recently shown this video and it undeniably shook me to the core. It is real, it is raw, it's powerful and most importantly, some evaluating in ourselves will hopefully happen after watching.

Turn up your speakers, open your heart and mind and enjoy.

I remember growing up someone I knew said; "I only love you because the bible tells me I have to"

To this day, I still feel those words. I sometimes feel the way I felt as a child hearing that being said to me, and wondering, why wouldn't they love me?

At times different people would also tell me, "what makes you think you'll ever see New York, or travel at all? How in the world are you EVER going to have enough money to visit another country? Good luck with that" in their most sarcastic tone.

But, as I grew older, just like in the video I too realized,

they were wrong.

I remember in high school feeling like, why would anyone ever wanna marry me? Because of the way some people there treated me, or talked to me. I never imagined in a million years that someone would choose to spend the rest of their lives with me because they wanted to.

Then, just recently, I had some experiences with panic attacks, depression and some other very confusing thoughts and feelings. I had no idea why, my life was near perfect. I felt like a freak, alone, and scared because I felt like no one around me understood how I felt.

I remember the day very vividly that I stood there in the mirror and shouted; NO, I will not live this way, any negative thoughts or feelings need to leave, I am strong, beautiful and I AM loved.

It's a choice. Choose to be strong, confident and happy. Choose life. Choose your life. And if you need a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold, call out, ask for help, know that you are loved, people do want you to be happy. I know I do :)

And look, I have traveled, I am married... to man that does make me feel like he built the sun just for me out of his tool shed and I am strong. I love myself, I am confident, happy, and I know now that there are others out there who struggle sometimes just like I do and we can band together to help, to be a shining light, a support system.